Like the virgin
- Written by Yajun Deng. Illustration by Jinwei Gang
- Category: Sex & Love
Once I asked a Chinese boy: “Why do you all want to marry a virgin?”
The boy thought about it for seconds, and said “Suppose, you are buying a house, would you like to buy a brand new one, or a second-hand one?”
What? I was shocked, and didn’t know how to answer, because as a Chinese, I knew we all like to buy new things. When young couples get married, they move to a new apartment; when they become richer or have a baby, they move to another bigger new house. With the growing economy, people keep changing their houses or cars to bigger and, newer and, flasher ones. Also if you look at the skyscrapers in the cities and the ongoing reconstruction everywhere, you wouldn’t be surprised Chinese people love everything to be new. Following this logic, does it make perfect sense that Chinese boys prefer “brand new” girls?
Out of curiosity, I asked my western friends which they prefer, brand new or second hand? Guess what? More than half of them said they would prefer to get an old house if they can afford it. Why? Because the old houses are prettier, more full of character and experience, and they are often more expensive.
Well, if you look closely in Britain, those who have their own big houses with gardens are mostly middle class, the working class or young people mostly live in flats or apartments. Also, the rich people tend to buy houses far away from the cities, but in China it seems the other way around.
See! At that moment I realized this deep question of men’s different perceptions of women can be this simple, just look at what kind of house they buy!
The truth is western boys are actually very relaxed about girls’ virginity, just as one of my Scottish female friends said:
“The boys never expected you to be a virgin, and if you are getting older, you yourself might think it’s a bit embarrassing (for still being a virgin).”
One of my male Swedish friends said to me:
“It would be weird if I met a girl today and if she was a virgin in our age. Also there is much better sex if the other party is experienced, knows what she wants, what she likes and is more confident.”
Another western boy said:
“Someone’s sex life is a large part of who they are, and I think if you love them then you should accept it.”
A British boy said:
“It (virginity) is never something I and most westerners would care about, actually I never have cared about it. If the girl was a virgin ok, but if not, then it’s no problem.”
Another British man said:
“Oh who cares (about virginity)! Life is too short to care about these silly things.”
Now look at what my Chinese friends said about this. A Chinese boy who has been studying in UK for 4 years said:
“It makes sense, either boys or girls, if you are still a virgin, it means you are probably not charming or confident enough.”
Another Chinese boy who has been in UK for 18 months said:
“If any of my Chinese friends come to me and ask for advice about it (still being a virgin), I would suggest them to resolve this problem immediately, otherwise I can give some help too!(joking)”
All the western and two Chinese boys’ views are different from the mainstream views in China, where lots of men still take women’s virginity very seriously. There are extreme cases where a 38 year old female with a master degree demonstrated her virginity with a medical certificate, and appealed to every girl to keep their virginity until they got married.
Actually, I was a little bit shocked by these two Chinese boys’ views. I don’t know if they believed so all the time, or they changed their view after they came to Britain. But I have to say on this issue, the western attitude is more powerful, not because it comes from the west, but because it’s more rational and more true about human nature without unnecessary restrictions or absurd guise.
We need to understand that: If you love a girl, what you love is her present, her personality, but not her virginity. The past is what makes the girls who they are, and all that experience is part of her. Virginity has nothing to do with whether this girl worth your love or not at all. As long as you two love each other and be loyal to each other, that’s enough.
So boys, do not miss the girl who is really worth your love, and girls, do not be heartbroken for those men who don’t know how to cherish your beauty. And do not think that no man would want to marry me anymore, because I am not a virgin. We have the right to have sex, and enjoy our lives.
But remember you don’t have to kiss all the frogs, because they don’t all turn out to be princes.